☥Transitions ☪ WITH a real ♥ slow FADE☥

RElax, reLatE, reflect And reSurgE: a pep talk with MysElf...

2011-09-17T22:41:00.000-05:00

I never expected to be where I am today...literally: I never expected to be in San Diego. I've always felt my ideal place to live would be the East Coast and yet here I am...where I never expected to be. There are so many unexpected things in life and it is within the unexpected that we discover the US we've never contemplated...

When I think about the past few years of my life, I get mixed emotions. Quite honestly, Im still trying to find my growth within the reflections of my experiences. Its hard (figuring out my lessons and my personal growth) partially because I strongly feel that most of the bad things that happened to me was undeserving and the rest? Ehhh... well, ok: I got what I had coming to me, bad & good. Yet even with the karma I knew I had coming, I still questioned the purpose.

Am I alone? I seriously doubt it. Have I lost you yet? Ok....well let me try to clarify what Im saying:

Everyone has done bad things. We all are guilty of hurting someone and we all have sat in pain's lap and allowed hurt to cradle us... while strongly holding onto the ideal that nothing we've done was ever as bad as what we got back in return...

and even though I knew/know people could and can relate, it didn't change the fact that I still felt engulfed within the self induced (I chose to be alone) solitary confinement of my sadness.

The picture above captures my thoughts perfectly: The world was a window that I looked into from some place that I existed in alone.

What good does it do to feel elevated if you are alone and have turned your back away from your own reflection?

I HAD TO GET OVER MYSELF. The pity party needs to be a temporary thing. Stop thinking that bad shit shouldn't happen to YOU and start accepting that it will: regardless of your worthiness of it or not. Break that glass, climb into the world and realize YOU are not the only one who has hurt.

The pain I've felt in my life was necessary. It has developed my character. Some for the better and some not. Im learning day by day to accept all my experiences as the developing road map of my life. Everyday new roads are drawn onto my map.... where some dead end....new ones are inked in.

As I type this, My map is developing a new road....some of this path is familiar and some isn't. I'll face a few fears and Im sure there'll be pain...but this go-round I choose to not be alone.

Enough of this ramble....back to studying. Peace!

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:homeward bound

I cant believe she up & left like that... A TRUE STORY

2011-06-17T19:47:00.003-05:00

Peace Peeps...it's summer....Im not working....so guess what? Im partaking in whatever "hoodfoolery" I deem necessary...

After 3.5 years of twisted mane bliss...Lo-Lo decided to jump ship on my ass. HUH? Who is Lo-Lo? Lo-Lo is short for Lolita Lovely Loc....the name that I gave to the mane loc on my head....the flyest.... she was the first loc to adorn the cowry shell & that skank got bougie on me and bounced. I really thought I was looking nice when I started getting ready for work:

But on further inspection, I noticed....Lo-Lo...was lower than usual....like she was REALLY feeling herself and decided to segregate herself from the rest of my locs:

I moved in a bit closer and took off the hat to discover that Lo-Lo was on some ol ultimate betrayal crap.......I literally caught her ass in the midst of her great escape:

Im not so sure if you can tell but she's hanging on by a thread....here's another shot:

Thats her ass waving goodbye closest to the tip of my ear...that heifer. Any-who....as tough as it was to say goodbye, I called my loctician and gave her the scoop of what was happening. She scheduled me for an emergency appointment and disconnected Lo-Lo from my dome....It was a very sad day.

Lo-Lo was my mane's first love. For weeks I kept her wrapped in precious silk (lies)....and then I attached her to the shirt I was wearing on the day I decided to loc my hair, with the Scorpio Emblem and gave her to my Virpio ♥ (and it so happens to be the SAME day and shirt I was wearing when I met a very special someone & took an unforgettable picture):

anywho....I hope Lo-Lo's happy in her new home....I'll never forget her & all the moments we shared...She was a lot of drama and hard work, but worthwhile....The following is her video tribute:

PEACE PEOPLE!

F-You & YOU too.

2011-04-16T21:16:00.001-05:00

I'm such an emotional being & tonight the moon is 98% full...

Which means I'm EVEN more emotional and expressive of those emotions than normal.

The image below is the perfect visual depiction of my lunar cycle mood:

Don't push a frustrated Scorpio's Button! My stinga leaves fatal wounds!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Land of Pisstivity!

The Black & Beautiful/Sexy Prerequisite Clause

2011-03-06T23:10:00.001-06:00

While visiting with a good friend yesterday, I happened to notice a stack of magazines that belonged to her eldest son...

On the top of the stack was a current issue of King magazine with Nicki Minaj on the cover:

Curious... I picked up the magazine and skimmed through it. I was impressed by how tasteful the magazine portrayed the scantily dressed Black Women in the magazine...honestly, I somewhat expected raunchiness and vulgarity...

I'll admit I was totally ignorant about the reputation of this magazine and without having ever opened one up, I'd passed judgment and labeled the magazine as smut & degrading to women.

I was WRONG. At least on the visuals:

After I skimmed the issue...I decided to give it a serious look....I read the article about Ms. Minaj & found it fairly enjoyable...

As I continued perusing, I began to read each models profile & the more I read, the more disappointed I became...EVERY Sista from the beautiful dark chocolate to the beautiful creamy caramel beyond & between listed in their profile... their Ethnicity as Black & Something Else!

The darker hues listed either Jamaican or Trinidadian (most I think were listed as born in the U.S) & the lighter hues ranged from Black & Italian to American Indian.

Now I DO realize that this country is a melting pot & races are mixing more & more. I'm also certain that if I researched my own genealogy, I'd find something in the "others" category in my blood; however, I found it offensive that a magazine that appeared to obviously cater to Beautiful BLACK Women (not sure if it's always this way or just this issue) #1 even had ethnicity listed in profiles & #2 gave off the impression that a prerequisite for BEAUTY IN BLACK WOMEN required her to be mixed with other! SMH...

I'll check out another issue or two before I let my disappointment roll over into pisstivity...but for now, I just needed to get that out! Peace!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

On Masculinity vs. Lucy & Me

2011-02-27T23:02:00.001-06:00

SIZE....does...... matter...in EVERYTHING:

Lucy & Linus

Lucy & Me
Thanks to him: I'm learning her....she's learning me: More 2 come.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:In transit...

& So it IS Confirmed...Perhaps? Im not as "crazy" as YOU thought...

2011-01-22T09:00:00.002-06:00

While most people are asleep...I'm not. As a result, I end up doing things like taking this:

This self scoring personality test measures four factors of your, well...hence the name, any-who those 4 domains are:

1. introvert or extrovert
2. emotional stability
3. creativity
4. strong mindedness (large dome factor excluded, thanks)

My Scores/Domain 1:

Answers: (a)=13; (b)=7

Incase you can't see the pic too well, I'm a shade introverted...

My Scores/Domain 2:

Answers: (a)=11; (b)=19

So apparently I'm emotionally steady....

My Scores/Domain 3:

This one required me to draw for 5 minutes w/o regards to details using given shapes...so in the 5 minutes these are the 15 things I drew:

1) Lightbulb; 2) 3-D question mark; 3) candy cane; 4) eye; 5) smiley face; 6) banana/boomerang; 7)lightbulb; 8) bookshelf; 9) computer chair; 10) house; 11) crayon; 12) slide; 13) flower; 14) heart; 15) Frosty The Damn Snowman!!!

*added side-note: creativity was scored by variety of the content in the given time frame...not by content

My Score was 14/15= above average in creativity....

My Scores/Domain 4:

Answers: (y)= 101x2; (?)= 34x1; (n)= 74x0. MY TOTAL= 236

According to the results...Im A balanced personality, diplomatic...

I wonder, if I would've posted these results were I to have scored in extremities? The "slightly introverted" Scorpio part of me highly doubts it! Peace!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:anchorless

On The Other Side...

2010-09-20T22:29:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've shared a page of my written journal...my poetry...my art...my heart...take & make of this what you will...for a deeper feel of how this piece was intended upon creation click on the title link below this pic! PEACE!

On The Other Side...

EYES cry a lot

on this other side of broken valves

coating my limbs in the blessings of newfound

a shifty past

a dubious grasp

Am I supposed to be here?

Quaffing down this euphoria

Siphoning up the Via Dolorosa that’s flushed my core

On this other side of broken VOWS

Is everything I’ve yenned

and NEVER got

from careless tossing

Am I supposed to be here?

Smiling at all these uncommon commonalities

Retracing the trail of happiness’ glow your

Digits leave along love’s precipice

Partaking in trouble’s benefits?

Having climbed up the rabbit hole

With damp saltiness lingering in my dimples

Pink pupils &puckering lips

YES!

EYES belong here:

On this other side of broken valves

Discarded vows

Drowning in this endless mound of

Jocund Tears…

on the other side

At LAST.

Picture Credit: http://www.becomegorgeous.com/user/chas-photos/blue_teary_heart_eye-2867.html

Lawd! They Bad!

2010-06-06T01:16:00.001-05:00

I'm NO snakers (lakers) fan, but Im at The Staples center for the Jilly from Philly & Maxwell concert!! When I tell y'all between Maxwell & My Guy, those light skindededededded Kings making a come back! Betta
hear what Im saying! Peace!

I'm trying 2 upload a video but it ain't crackin like I wanna! Ugh!

YouTube Video

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Los Angeles

Shaken, Shook & More To Come

2010-05-23T11:14:00.002-05:00

I'm random...deal with with it or don't. I often start thoughts & forget them mid-thought...and somewhere... within an unmarked time frame... those thoughts reappear & may or may not be profound...

Right now I'm a bit shaken! After years of playing favorite, putting YOU first, showing you the upmost love& respect...you decide you wanna slowly begin the process of fading away from ME...

This is...by far... some hurtful shit! I washed you in the finest of scented soaps! Hell Gain ain't cheap! Coated you with fur & leather for extra protection all for WHAT? You to roll out on me? Ain't that some ol bull sh*#?

Wait! Why did I just censor that curse word yet stated it clear & free up above? SMH

Anywho back to you...I'm all shaken because I tried to get all up in yo space this morning ONLY to feel you were lacking the complete warmth you once offered...no warnings, just BAM! Cold & drafty...

Well take yo ass on then! I made a huge mistake in giving you ALL the love anyway! You are 100% replacable dammit... I just spotted a real nice polka dotted pair on sale in Target! Think on that the next time you wanna get all holey on ME! Ugh 2 my "former" favorite purple striped socks!

In other news, I experienced my 2nd earthquake yesterday....news said it was a 5.8...lasted all of 10 seconds...but that's really way more than what I need 2B convinced that it's time for me to leave planet Earth! Peace!

Location:My Mind

Meandering Mind on Monday

2010-05-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged in awhile, guess that will change now that I have iPhone access...I'm not sure what will spawn from these iPhone musings, we shall see...

Right now I feel like sharing with whomever reads this that Ive been extra smiley lately...

Lots of reasons for this....my life is on speed right now....more 2 come! Until then Peace!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Work??

What LIES beneath

2010-03-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

Someone Requestetd I Repost This...although their lazy behind coulda just went into my archives and found it. So here it is again: FOR YOU.

The Explanation: I find it amazing how people judge another's exit...when they know not how you enter...and the depth of IT. Although I'd be lying were I to say I've NEVER...because I have judged...caught myself, and shut he hell up...WHO AM I to do this to ANYONE...

Anyhoo...I wrote this in the AFTERMATH of all that I stated above...

Sauntering sashays of simmering sun
Shield
Lies laying low
Tucked in that far away place
Distant from any timeless truth
Write-fully weeping and writhing in some woebegone
YOU run random rings
Speak in tangent tongues
Fabricating YOUR fallacy of fronts & falsehoods
To an audience of audacious admirers
Blubbering & bantering buffoons
How dare THEY dare to love YOU blind
& SEE No fault
Stoically standing stolid in a sea
Of damning deception while
YOUR stomach churns and meanders
Down dodging discovery’s driveway
Wearing YOUR truths the same way
YOU hide YOUR lies:
Tucked in that far away place
Distant from sanity
Rightfully righteously residing
Next door to MY perceived “ungodliness”
I hear MY judgment
Cast it aside
All in Due Time
Stolid & Stoically Standing
Still I Smile
Soak in
What OTHERS waywardly wash wayside
YOUR audience of audacious admirers
Blubbering bantering buffoons
Bathing in Ignorance
Drenched in wavering loyalty & cloaked in fear of
YOUR consistent abandonment
Pointing fingers of
“SHE’s not so innocent”
“Shut –up and get over it” &
“Stop seething in bitter vindictiveness”
THAT IS
Until MY place in line becomes THEIRS
It’s called:
The Law of Living in Cyclonic Cycles of Love's Confusion
Better known as Climatic Karma
Instead of Judging ME
Wonder, Worry, and Wait to Witness
How you WILL wear your
Withering Weight of Wrecked emotions
HOW DARE YOU Judge
HOW I DARE to DARE
Love YOU blindly &
SEE fault in US both
Steadily hiding behind brazen bullshit
Afraid of facing truth
Resenting ME for telling it
Wishing ME away…
NOT REALLY…
It’s just much easier to
Continue Captivating Carbon
Copies of YOUR loveless Cunning Conniving-ness
SOME will COME-CLOSE
YET never quite
MEASURE UP to that FIRST
THEY who stand in MY place
JUDGING MY EXIT
Sharing loyalty to YOUR lies and mirrors of
Steadfast Smoke and Smog
Living EXACTLY like ME
In illiterate alliteration of:
YOU
YOU
YOU

In Conclusion: Take from this what you will...Bliss & Infinite Blessings Folks-Kisura Out!

The MOST beautiful-est WORD in this WORLD & Other Super Powers

2010-01-13T14:25:00.000-06:00

Situation #9: Its payday...You ballin (at least until the $'s gone)...when all of a sudden the phone rings & you answer w/o looking at the caller ID... cause ya peeps got their own ring tones so you know it's fam:

You: Hello

Them: Suppppppppppppp, cuzzin!!! Whats going down?

You: Awww dang....I was JUST about to call you on that same tip...what's crackin fool???!!! You know Im game fo what eva...CAUSE IM BALLIN *does the stanky leg dance & sings on phone for cuzzin*!!!!

Them: Ohhh yeah?!! How you ballin fool?

You: Cause I str8 got PAIDDDDDDDD today fool....whats good?

Them: You ballin fool...and ya cousin ova here fallin...mayne....I was calling to see if you could let me hold a g' till I get paid on the 53rd....mayne Nee Nee aint got no pampers; Junebug Skillet forgot to pay the phone bill this month and we already sold all the food stamps to pay for the strippers for lil Nu Nu's babyshower on Sunday....so ya cuzin running a lil low....and errr ummm can u help a broke person out???? Just sayin...I mean you did JUST get paid n all....talkin bout you BALLIN

SIDEBAR: Now even-though you JUST got paid...lets be real...you know you one sammich (sand which) away from the homeless food line and you got ya own bills due....not to mention....cuzzin has 2 grown and working people in the household to your 1...thats what you get for running your damn mouth right? Well.... yes and top it off ...you all soft hearted and this IS fam and damn...Nee Nee just a baby and need pampers...but if you give cuzzing that money...youg gonna be struggling and top it off...you know it may take NEVER before you get it back....

WHAT TO DO.... WHAT TO DO?

Here's the DEAL: Very early in life, my father taught me that there is beauty in words... specifically 1 word...and the sooner I learned to say it...the better my life would be...so Im going to share that with you right now...JUST in case you EVER find yourself in a "Pookie Nem" like sit-choo-moo-a-shun (situation) here is what you do:

1. Hold the phone real close to your ear, but just a pinch away from your mouth (so the word doesnt get muffled)...if you are standing face to face with the person then look them directly into their eyes then repeat this exactly:

2. "NO"

Now some folks cant hear...and some hear what they want...should you run across those types you include the following additional steps:

3. Clear Ya Throat and say the following step VERBATIM

4. " Make that a HELL NO!"

5. Immeadiately excuse yourself from the room or off the phone.

Sidebar: Now some FOLKS may feel that is a bit rude, especially if the person is family and/or you care about them...so in that case: YOU give an explanation where you feel one is fit....use THIS with discretion though...I mean you work hard for your money dont cha? Key word being YOUR...meaning you owe noBODY an explanation for why you CANT part with your money-

So much power...in such a small word...being able to utilize it is FREEING!!!

The Morning After....

2010-01-08T08:12:00.011-06:00

The Morning After...

Waning Smoke and mirrors

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

yet we didn’t stop

what we started

on stained satin

blue moon in tow

everything beyond ordinary

you do not belong here

but we do

trapped in no rewind

cant take it back

even if you tried i ain’t giving it to you

stone casted

it will be what it will

this cadence of conundrums

created by us

Trickling down the spine of

missed chances

this moment of moments

gone...

PS: Click on the title for a more asthetic view.....

Fighting & Overcoming My Cancer-A Myspace Oldie

2009-12-31T18:55:00.006-06:00

From about 1982-1996, I was perhaps one of the meanest people I knew. The crazy thing is…people put up with it. I always had friends…well actually they were associates, but for all practical purposes, and at that particular moment in time, I called them friends. I won't go into detail, about the depth of my meanness, but let's just say…I had moments just like Stinkmeaner.

Now don't get me wrong, I had my nice moments, but I had more mean moments than nice ones. I called my meanness "my cancer" and it ate away at me for a long time. I felt like Atlas. His weight was the world, my world was my cancer. I felt like it consumed me, and I had to appear this way in order for people to take me seriously, but slowly, all of that began to change.

In fact, now that I think about it, the first sign of change came around 1992/1993. Two significant things happened: I got a new job at Bethania Hospital and I began to cultivate a friendship with a young lady and her sister, who would later become "My Chamber" Ebony Rain.

Now I knew Ebony Rain and Kool K (her sister) from high school, but Bethania was the spot where our friendship began to truly blossom. Now as much of a mushy-wushy person she is, it was a combination of her, Kool K, and the people I worked with at that job, that slowly brought about the change in me. The Bethania crew was full of mushy people, and I gave them all hell, but to this day, they are some of the fondest memories I have…..and even though it was one of those high school/college gigs…that was the best damn job ever!!! (Corey; Ms. Kim; E-Rain; Kool K; Trish; Cullen; Ray; Lori; Diana; Richard; David; Cheri; Billy; William; Kenyon; Felipa; Wilma…)

However, the most significant sign of change came when I met SHE. SHE came into my life and opened up a whole new world for me. SHE had so many persevering qualities that I admired and wanted to duplicate. SHE was beautiful, loving, caring, poetic, revolutionary, sassy, independent, and just an all around cool ass chic, but I almost let the cancer in me, miss SHE. Sometimes I reflect back on the day we met, and I wonder why in hell SHE worked so hard to be a part of my life:

It was 1996 when I first met SHE. I was sitting in the "Blue Lounge" at Midwestern State University. The Blue Lounge is the hang-out spot that err" college has. You know the spot that most people would skip class to go chill and observe the happenings…so any who…I was sitting on one of the sofas checking out my hair when SHE sat down next to me. SHE looked at me and smiled. I rolled my eyes and said,

"What the hell is your problem trick? All these damn couches in here and you wanna sit by me!"

"Queen, I just wanna be your friend and I sat by you because if you would pay attention to your surroundings, you'd notice that we are wearing the same outfit, so I thought it cool we sat next to each other!" SHE said and continued to smile at me.

As I looked at what she was wearing, my eyes grew black, my temples jumped, and my fists clenched. This skank had lost her mind. SHE in fact did have on the same outfit as me. I positioned myself in her direction, and inched right up in her face. Eyes tight, corners of mouth down, and finger damn near in her eye, I said,

"Bitch, you betta move, RIGHT NOW……..OR Imma fuck you up…right here in this damn Blue Lounge!"

SHE said nothing. SHE continued to smile at me as she stood up and moved to another couch in the lounge. I wanted her outta that damn lounge in my outfit, but I said nothing else to her. I sat and watched her. I saw people come in and out of the lounge to hang out with her. I watched as people happily spoke to SHE by name. I became envious as people complimented SHE in my damn outfit. Those bastards didn't even notice me! I sat there for two classes straight and watched her. Finally SHE decided to get up and leave. When she walked by me, I wanted to spit on her. Who am I kidding, I actually planned to do just that, but SHE caught me off guard when she said,

"Bye Queen, we may not be friends today, but if it's the last thing I do, I'll make a friend outta you….Peace Queen, be bliss!"

SHE continued to show up in places where I was. SHE even started to wear her hair similar to mine. SHE also began to leave me little nice notes and constantly feeding me compliments. SHE showered me with affection and attention until SHE finally wore me down and I accepted her into my life as extension of myself, a companion, a friend. SHE rid me of my cancer. SHE is Kisura Usiku (which means "Beautiful Night" in Swahili...SHE walks in a shadow of ME) Kisura Usiku is also my alter ego, SHE is ME.

Embedded Message: HE told me HE liked this pic because it is introspective:

Yes sir people! On a not so inconspicuous day in 1996, I found myself. I became the KEY to a change in ME, and I have loved what I've seen since then!! Kisura and me (Sharla, SYMA….Peace Itself Is War In Masquerade) aint perfect….but we get pretty damn close to it sometimes, and close is just ENOUGH for me-

"She walks in beauty like the night/ Of cloudless climes and starry skies/ and all that's best of dark and bright/Meet in the aspect of her eyes..."

Thanks Monsignor Klaatu for naming SHE.....Thanks Chambers, for putting up with ALL of ME......Thanks Myspace for giving US an outlet..... I have Soooooooooooo many faces!

Now commenters....Tell me what you think of this story, tell me about finding YOU, self acceptance, or how many personalities consume YOU....or just leave all of ME a blessing, wisdom...water for my mind...You Get It? Be Bliss-

For Shitz (Literally) & Giggles (Questionable)

2009-09-22T22:05:00.000-05:00

The past 3 daze of my life have been the most WTF daze EVER...so I decided to vent about them via a random blog:

Disclaimer: The location and other identifying information of this event have been semi-modified in order to protect the innoSCENT....(play on words intended)

Incident 1:

Time: Present....

Place: USA/Hoodville High School

Ahhhhh....so its the first few weeks of class at Hoodville High and we decide to venture out into the environment...when low & behold: right there on the steps of the school sits (hot-n- smoky *gags*) a human TURD....yes you read that right....some student, who we later found out had no idea where the bathroom was... decided to cop a squat and take a dump right on the steps outside the classroom

Incidents 2-4:

Dedication: I highly doubt YOU will EVER read this... being that 50$ tricks don't have the common sense to read, but should YOU ever glance upon this page... know that I think YOU are the worst piece of SHYT to fall out an arse ( NEXT 2 IT)...YOU will eventually get yours....

I make no qualms about my disdain for the 50$ trick who has managed to captivate one of the sweetest, most down to earth, and highly gulliable people walking *SIGH*

Sidenote: I love mon frère plus âgé, which is why its hard to NOT roll up and molliwop the 50$ trick...but I have to let mon frère plus âgé be a man and fight my urges to interfere in his love life... so Im using this outlet to release my frustration and get a good laugh off a cheap trick....

Ok so back to the incident...HOW DARE YOU call my mama....WHO YOU know cant stand your ass and ask her for money to help YOU get to North Carolina to live with your sister....YOU need serious help....but next time my mama is gonna forward the call to her personal secretary: ME....BEWARE of my STINGA....it wont be nice....

AND if that wasnt enough....YOU decide to call right back and ask her to give YOU a job refernce....LMAO...she told you " HELL no, I dont DO that." *dies* GO MOM!!! Seriously....did YOU realy think she was going to DO that? I mean what idiot quits their job because YOU dont get along with your co-workers when WE are in a recession and UNEMPLOYMENT is as high as hell is hot....OH wait....I answered that: YOU DO 50$ TRICK....*sucks good tooth & rolls eye*

Last thing & Im DONE with YOU is why your stoopid arse go and use a MAN'S urine for a drug UA and now YOU all confused as to why they called YOUR dumb ass to resubmit another UA because something was wrong with your 1st one....but wait...YOU sooooo damn on RETARD that YOU asked the same MAN to give YOU another sample of his urine....if YOU had even a ounce of good sense (prolly whatever YOU'RE using took that)...YOU'D prolly figure that there's a chemical difference between the urine of MEN & WOMEN....(its called estrogen...aint it???)

Im soooooo done....I would apologize for my own iggnance in venting this, but Im beyond apologies with YOU, HELL I aint sorry....I mean EVERY iggnant word I TYPED....Im OUT.....

Bliss & Infinite Blesssings 2 all BUT: 50$ TRICK....(those who know....know why YOU have that name....INCLUDING YOU....)

PS: I shouldnt HAVE to type this but ALL mis-spelled words are intentional....DUHHHHHHH!!!

Love Me When Im GONE...

2009-07-06T22:18:00.008-05:00

Today has been one of the MOST reflective days of my life....I woke up...happy, smiling and thanking the heavens for another day....I drank a Rockstar (b/c I am one) I talked to my mommy...and I recalled some VERY good advice from an old man whom I affectionately refer to as

"DAMN FOOL"...

I call him this....because he's always saying the MOST IGGNANT-EST stuff...but it's usually on the money advice...so last night I called "Damn Fool"....to tell him I was going to a mediation hearing today....and if things go well.... IT (the name for the ex) would sign the divorce papers and things would be official...

Damn Fool said to me:

"THE USE OF INTELLIGENCE GIVES US PLEASURE...GO TO COURT...USE YOUR INTELLIGENCE....BE HAPPY LITTLE FEET(damn fool's nick name for me)....IF YOU WANT THIS DONE...AND YOU TRULY WANT TO MOVE ON...LISTEN, BE SMART...BUT DONT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU WANT...AND DONT GIVE UP ANYTHING YOU CANT AFFORD TO MISS...BUT MOST OF ALL DON T LET IT PISS YOU OFF...FOR EVERY MINUTE YOU REMAIN ANGRY...YOU GIVE UP 60 SECONDS OF YOUR PEACE OF MIND"

That stuck with me...so today...I compromised...IT acquiesced....ME & IT reached a mutual agreement: DONE....

I HAVE MY NAME BACK....
IT'S OFFICIAL.....IM DIVORCED

For those who know ME...then you know this makes me neither happy nor sad....the actual divorce...but I do feel the need to celebrate:

MY ✌☮☯ OF MIND.....IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE HAD TO ENDURE...THEN YOU KNOW ITS CAUSE FOR A CELEBRATION.....NEXT WEEK IM HEADED TO PALM SPRANGS (SPRINGS)....FOR TOMFOOLERY & LAWD KNOWS WHAT ELSE *wink*.....FOR NOW IM JUST DOING SOMETHING I SELDOM DO:

ITS LONGGGGGGGGG OVERDUE......THANKS FOR THE ADVICE DAMN FOOL....BTW....I have a lot of NEWNESS going on....BIG THANGS...BIG THANGS....

if you wanna know....(after reading the rest of this) click on the following : MY NEWNESS, book mark it & check the calendar regularly... dont BE too shocked...you knew it was JUST a matter of TIME!!!!!! BLISS & INFINITE BLESSINGS

NEWS#BWRC: CONFESSIONS OF A CYBER TURRETS SYNDROME SURVIVOR....DAMN!

2009-06-23T21:54:00.021-05:00

...So I've been getting a few questions from the peeps asking about the Black Writer's Reunion & Conference & how it went: In 1 word:

FANVUCKINGTABULOUS!!!

I cant begin to describe how inspired I am from all the information I soaked in...I went to a variety of workshops such as:

While there were many more EXCELLENT workshops I could mention....I wont...YOU can find out all about them at The Black Writers' Reunion & Conference Website

I would like to say a special THANK YOU to:

Tia Ross

THANK YOU TIA...for the granting me the opportunity to attend the conference, the encouragement to keep writing despite my current adversaries, and for introducing me to the BEST DAMN Chicken Pot Pie EVER....(which I inhaled without saying a single word until there was nada but pie juice left in my bowl)

I also had a GREAT time networking and errr ummm....hanging out: enjoying the Vegas Nightlife....although Im unsure if one can really call it nightlife being that Vegas NEVER sleeps...I wont go into detail about that either because Im sure you all know that:

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS!!!!!!

Although you can tell from EXTRA cheesy grin in this pic I had a GREAT TIME.......

Well now...Im sure you're wondering WTH will I talk about then....ANYHOO here I go:

After taking in all the info & being ohhhh so inspired from all the Black Authors & their accomplishments....I've decided its time for me to make some serious moves other than just writing and talking about it....basically: SHYT or get off the pot so to speak....So after hearing all the talk about self publishing, meeting folks who have done so successfully, and learning ALL about the Writer's hustle from Reshonda Tate Billingsley and other literary greats....I've decided to:

Finish My Book....REALLY FINISH IT
Start My OWN publishing company (SELF PUBLISH) in order to get Fetters (my book) out there and read....

Im scurred and nervous about that number 2, but I fully believe this is where my path is leading me and quite possibly why I've chosen to give San Diego a little more time before I burn da hell outta here and back to DALLAS (although I've contemplated a Chicago or NYC move too)....anyhoo...I've been mad busy doing research, reading the best damn book ever on Self Publishing, Ordering business cards & other accessories etc.....and of course: WRITING, WRITING, WRITING.....

YALL PRAY FOR ME....LAWDDDDD KNOWS I NEED EM....I WILL BLOG MY PROGRESS, FRUSTRATIONS, AND OTHER MUSINGS AS I GROW AND LEARN.....GROW SOME MORE.... Curse....and CONTINUE TO SEARCH FOR A CURE FOR my never ending battle with CYBER TURRETS SYNDROME (my incessant urge to randomly curse, quote psychotic Gangsta Rap and say what EVA DA HELL I want on Twitter....etc)....all ending with a Self Published Book & If I dream big enough: A Small Press Publishing Company....

*does the damn stanky leg, jerk, old school SOUFF (south) DALLAS DROP, with the Electric Slide, Harlem Shake....and ending on a Hand Stand/C-Walk Combo*

BLISS & INFINITE BLESSINGS FOLKS-KISURA USIKU& SYMA -OUT

I JUST CANT DO IT... ANY MORE.

2009-05-22T04:01:00.000-05:00

This isn't what you think, but it is....sort of: I am sitting here...and I should be asleep...but I cooked, ate, and slept on a belly full of: turkey, lettuce, potatoes, and sharp cheddar...so I'm up, at 2:05 am...with a poem, supplicating to be freed from the confines of my mind.... and a helluva story at the tip of my pen... that refuses to be written at this time because something else is on my mind....

On my way to Sunshine (My New...but NOT SO New Phrase) I came across a lovely poem By Sharon Olds, and I will share it at the end of this early morning randomness....anywho...I came across this work of art as I was thinking about love, sex, and my past indiscretions: the good, the bad & those that are just blatantly unmentionable (I have 2 of those)...

SIGH

Its no new discovery that women, on a much grander scale than men, link intimacy with love...although it is not the gist of love... to many of us (women...and some men too)...it IS a way to let love loose....one of many:

Thing is...for me, I've long ago discovered that sex without love...does absolutely NOTHING for me...not even the release...side bar: and in many cases the lack thereof (It takes a lot more than mad, deranged pumping to get a lady there)...so after meaningless sex:

I feel empty, regret, unsatisfied, whorish, fake...because many times, I've faked "getting there" and raped by submission (yes its THAT extreme...I'm a Scorpio sun dammit)...

Its only taken me a few tries at this empty type of "lovemaking" to realize...shyt just ain't for me...never HAS....NEVER will BE.....but I cant help but wonder about the worldly people who feel its da ish (shyt) for them....

HOW DO YOU DO IT? CAUSE I JUST CANT DO IT.... ANYMORE.

so Im sitting here...too damn early in the morning and I have to work...googling my random thoughts....and this is how I came upon this poem that fit my thoughts to a tee.

Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds

How do they do it, the ones who make love

without love? Beautiful as dancers,

gliding over each other like ice-skaters

over the ice, fingers hooked

inside each other's bodies, faces

red as steak, wine, wet as the

children at birth whose mothers are going to

give them away. How do they come to the

come to the come to the God come to the

still waters, and not love

the one who came there with them, light

rising slowly as steam off their joined

skin? These are the true religious,

the purists, the pros, the ones who will not

accept a false Messiah, love the

priest instead of the God. They do not

mistake the lover for their own pleasure,

they are like great runners: they know they are alone

with the road surface, the cold, the wind,

the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-

vascular health--just factors, like the partner

in the bed, and not the truth, which is the

single body alone in the universe

against its own best time.

For those of you that do... make love without love...I'm not knocking yo game....It just ain't for me...intimacy is so sacred....a soul tie...I take a peace of you & give you a peace (spelling of PEACE INTENDED) of me....and while I cant speak for anyone else but Syma & Kisura....I feel my peace is worth a helluva lot more than that feeling one gets after loveless sex....but it is what it is....so for those who make love without love....I just want to know: how do you do it and what does it do for you?

The Golden Child...NOT

2009-04-14T22:25:00.000-05:00

I am not a parent...but I know quite a few of them...plus I have my own...they are fabulous, at least in terms of how I view them (MY Mom & Dad)...but how the rest of the world views my folks? I dunno...and would it change the way I see them...errr ummm probably NOT...because I love them unconditionally...and I truly believe that any parent who RAISES their child...loves them unconditionally and there is very little that can be done to tear down that love...but really...why would you want to? Everyone deserves a lil unconditional love...or do they...

Would YOU love your child if you were the parents of Charles Manson, Jeffery Dahmer, The Columbine Duo, or most recent: The Craig's List Killer? Since I am not a parent...I cant really say what I would do ...DEFINITELY.... but it is highly likely that IF I carried, bonded, raised, & watched the development of a child from birth to adult...and they turned out to be a monster in the eyes of the rest of the world....it wouldnt change the fact of the experience I shared with that child...and I would STILL LOVE that child....however, I would feel a certain something towards the horror they've caused...it still wouldnt take away from what's in my heart...

Afterall...WE arent perfect...WE ALL eff up from time to time...everyone is flawed....some more...some less than others....WE ALL deserve to be loved....REALLY who could pass up this loving face:

In case you dont know...this is the child from The Bad Seed...great old movie!!! Look at that angelic face...well...SHE was PURE EVIL...and the LAST people to see that evil was of course:

HER PARENTS!!!!

Now since I am childless...I will speak on my experience with my peeps & folks I've dealt with ONLY:

I recently had an experience where the parent of someone I know... called my energy "negative"...and when I first heard it, I was a little more than irritated...YOU dont know me and YOU aint even around ME ....NOR do WE talk....for YOU to see what my energy IS...what I failed to realize at that moment was:

It REALLY didnt matter...you see...I could be the spawn of Ghandi...Mother Theresa...etc and it really wouldn't matter...because she was speaking SOLELY from the view point of what she'd been told by her child....she ain't here...she cant SEE what's REAL...and what's not.....so ALL she has to formulate an opinion on....is what she's told...and through those eyes...my energy is negative....(what ever*laughs*)

Truth be known though (THANKS mom for this).....EVEN IF she was here to witness ALL that were...it STILL would more than likely NOT matter...her baby could spit on my grave, bytch slap a child, bust a few caps on my folks and her unconditional love for her child would reason it right in her logic.... I've seen my own mother love my brothers & ME that same way knowing WE were blatantly

WRONG, WRONG WRONG!!!!

After thinking this through...and SEVERAL conversations with the Chambers and MY MOM :) (she said some real ish)...I realized this:

My parents know ME...but not REALLY know ALL of me....and quite honestly, I show my mom the very best parts of me and very little of my flip side...SHE has seen it...she knows Im NOT golden....but she still believes Im gold plated...LOL....

NOT

What I do KNOW is that my mom knows EXACTLY what I want her to know about ME....no more....no less.... especially as an adult....as a child, she knew more... because I couldn't HIDE ME from her....I WAS in her house & full presence.... but NOW that I ain't...I pick and choose what I feel the need to tell her...and I usually tell it from MY advantage....making me the symbol of perfection I imagine she always hoped I'd be:

It is what it is...and Im thankful for the experience...I KNOW Im NO golden child...My mom does as well....thing is...Im thankful that even though SHE knows I aint....SHE STILL treats me as such: I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!!

THAT'S A HATER TO THE RIGHT...LOL...MY BROTHER!!!

KNOWLEDGE OF SELF: DETERMINATION

2009-02-21T21:34:00.000-06:00

I could explain this poem....BUT I think no explanation is needed...get what you will from it:

MIND FUCKERY:

I SPEND TOO MUCH TIME

WITHIN THE CONFINES

OF MY OWN MIND

SORTING AND TURNING OVER SYLLABLES

OF UNSOLVED MYSTERIES

COMPLETING DREAMS DEFERRED

LOVING THE RIGHT ONES WRONG

AND THE WRONG ONES WAY TOO DAMN LONG

OVER THINKING UNNECESSARY DETAILS

CONSUMED WITH THE INNER WORLD TUCKED BENEATH THE DERMIS

AND CLOAKED IN OUTWARD APPEARANCES OF

PURCHASED JOY

WITHOUT EVER NOTICING HOW I GOT THERE

INSIDE THIS MIND

TRAPPED WITHIN ITS CONFINES

FLOATING RANDOMNESS OF

LIFELINES LEADING

TO BLEEDING BEAT-LESS

CHAMBERS

THAT GREEDILY FEEDS MY MIND

TOO MANY OVERWHELMING EMOTIONS

FETTERING DOWN MY FREEDOM FROM SELF

BURYING BONES AND DIGGING THEM UP TO LOCK THEM IN AN ENDLESS HALL OF CLOSETS

TUCKING MYSELF AWAY IN TINY PATCHES OF GREY

SHOCKED INTO SUBMISSION BY SYNAPTIC TWITCHES WHICH IGNITE

ETERNAL FLAMES AT THE END OF MY TAIL

CAUSING ME TO GIVE CHASE

AND RUN CIRCLES OF LIFE AROUND MY OWN MIND

INSIDE OF ME I LIVE TO CHASE

OUTSIDE OF ME I RUN TO HIDE

A NEVER ENDING BATTLE BETWEEN

OUTSIDE TRICKERY & INTERNAL MIND FOOLERY

CANT NOBODY FAKE, SHAKE, AND PLAY THIS GAME OF COOL LIKE ME

THIS IS WHAT I DO (pop my collar)

THIS IS HOW POSERS AND IMPOSTERS LIVE (pop your collar)

AND YOU QUESTION WHY THE FUCK AM I TIRED?

QUESTION WHEN THE FUCK AM I GONNA RETIRE!

THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO WIN

IN A DUAL BETWEEN THE OUTER AND IN

A SCUFFLE BETWEEN SELVES IS VICTORIOUS

THRU ACCEPTANCE & SELF DISCOVERY

ANYTHING LESS

IS PLAIN OL MIND FUCKERY

2009

MY "PEOPLE"...CAN BE SO SIMPLE!!!!!

2009-02-18T12:31:00.000-06:00

Why in the hell do I just feel like running up and nubb punching a b*#!h (scuse me....I aint always kosher) in HER eye right now for commending ME for having the nerve to wear my hair "LIKE THAT" (locs) THEN she further goes on to comment:

"Natural looks good on you, only a hand full of US can go without that perm... GURRRRRRRL I cant stand to see black folks with "cukka buds" around they head or frizzy dreads...You know thats how THEY (meaning Caucasian People) expect US to walk around looking like WE wild from the tribe "

THE INNER ME: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.....RELAX, RELATE....RELEASE...I cant believe this broad just sat here and said that in order to look good MOST black folks gotta use hair enhancements.... I MEAN....to each your own....DO YOU, BUT DONT GET IT TWISTED...."BLACK FOLKS" LOOK GOOD IN ALL WALKS " I wonder if I slap the shyt outta her will I go to jail....

THE OUTER ME: (STUNNED) "Ummmm...Thanks...appreciate the compliment!!!" *rolls eyes & walks away*

Good thing Im in a good mood today....GLAD I DIDNT DRANK ANY FULL THROTTLE & HULK UP ON DAT AZZ!!!!

*pats self on back for maintaining control*

BELIEVE IT OR NOT...I DO REALIZE THAT RESPONDING TO HER WITH VIOLENCE OR ANY OF THE ACTUAL WORDS FLOATING IN MY MIND WOULD'VE FED INTO SOME OTHER NEGATIVE STEREO TYPES OF MY "PEOPLE".....SOOOOOO I LET MISS SIMPLE MAKE IT... THIS GO ROUND!!!!

KISURA OUT!!!!!

for those who dont know "cukka buds* are the coils of hair often surrounding the crown that sometimes roll up into a tight curl resembling a ball...also known by Martin as "beedy bees" (spell check??)...a.k.a baby hair

A LOVE POEM....SORTA

2009-02-11T22:07:00.000-06:00

I wrote this a few years back... way before the copyright date...its sort of a love poem...I say "sort of" because It was written for an ex-beau as an ode to the love affair between HE, ME & HIS GUITAR....when it was originally wrote...it WAS a love poem....NOW...WE down like 4 flats...so it's just a "homey" poem....

In-Stru---Mental

You complete me You make me whole

The tuning keys on your guitar-

Strum

The strings of my

Soul:

Making me, breaking me-

My heart feeling stole-

Your soft singing voice-

Leave my emotions

De con trolled:

Caught up in your rapture

Am set

Free

A consummate artist perfecting the marrow

Of :

 2006

IT'S ALOT BETTER THAN BEING PISSED ON....

2009-02-09T21:50:00.000-06:00

This was the first poem I posted on my "MYSPACE" and Im posting it here because Im gradually going to post all my ART here and chill on the myspace blogging with the exceptions of commenting on others blogs and random page stalks via the space cause Im loving the flexibility of the blog spot as well as Im sorta becoming addicted the "GROWN & SEXY" as Dee Dee calls it: face book...

Anywho...On a mad, pissed off at the world rant, I jotted this poem in my journal and blogged it because I was still pissed off...but, I GUESS, as the title of this blog states...

Today the World pulled out his dick and pissed all over me-
The rankness of acid and stale beer made a nest in my pores-
And, the World just laughed!
LIKE his SHIT dont STINK
If he were'nt such a fat bastard, I'd kick his ass
SURE WOULD...... ummmmhmmmmmmmmm
BUT
He's much bigger and STRONGER-
SO, Im forced:
to wallow in his urine and play with his feces
but, I'll be DAMNED-
If I'll be submissive to his BITCH
THE MOON
Shiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeetttttttttt!
I'll catch a ride with my girl COMET,
and WE'LL run RINGS around
MOON's punk ass!
Yea, I said PUNK!
Anyone who hides from that whorin ass SUN
Gotta be Bitchmade
And from what I HEARD, WORLD is fucking both:
MOON and SUN
IF his DICK that busy, workin' ova two HOES;
HOW HE STILL FIND TIME TO DESECRATE ON ME?

OK...SO READING THIS NOW, I REALIZE IT'S GRAPHIC AND I WAS A TAD ON ONE WHEN I WROTE IT ABOUT 3/4 YEARS BACK....shrugs....HMMMM....AMAZING THAT I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHY I WAS MAD BUT BASED ON ME GIVING THE WORLD MASCULINE QUALITIES....IM SURE IT MUST'VE BEEN A MAN WHO UPSET ME.....go figure!!!!

Thank You...Now Help Me Figure This ISH out!!!!

2009-01-16T15:26:00.000-06:00

Two weeks ago...I called a few of my peeps bragging about how "gangsta" all my pics were gonna be from this point on because I now have the full professional version of Adobe CS3 on my Macbook (Thanks to C-Dubb aka Hook Em-Up Hood Technologist @ work......) OK so here I am at work...and with today being the last day before the MLK/Obama 4 Day Holiday Weekend...YES you read that right...OBAMA Holiday (If you cant BE in D.C THANKS MARIE...YOU might as well take off)!!!

ANYWHOOO

I'm sitting in my office....done with all that I'm going to do before the weekend festivities and I decide to break out the laptop and get creative with some of the software....shouldn't be too hard...*pops collar* after all....I've mastered the likes of Mac's Photo Booth & iPhoto...taught myself...I'm a self proclaimed PRO-FESH-EE-NALL...ya heard? So I know Photoshop, Acrobat, Bridge, Sound Booth....and all the other 20+ programs added will be a piece of cake!!!

I'm so confident about it...that I neglected to pay attention to one of my students who showed me how cut heads out of pictures....I mean dang... he's a student of mine right?....So he doesn't know more than ME....EH?

SOOOOOOO HERE IS THE BEFORE I STARTED MESSING WITH PHOTOSHOP PICTUE OF ME......

NOW PEEP THE SAME PIC...ONCE I LET THE CREATIVE SIDE KICK IN WITH PHOTO-SHOP'S ENHANCE MENTS...

UMPH....UMPH...UMPH....UMPH..... guess I need to stick to coffee shops, journals, story writing, IPOD listening, people watching and poetic thoughts.....

*shrugs* WELL...at least I know how to flip the Star Bucks pic on the wall behind me....That's my time folks:

STAY TUNED as I go about my daily musings...doing random & fake shyt that I would never do in REAL LIFE...on my journey to become a NEO SOUL WRITER....in the mean and between time I WOULD greatly appreciate any and I DO MEAN ANYYYY tips you may have on PHOTO SHOP or any other programs in CS3.......

MY WRITE SPOT

2009-01-06T23:22:00.000-06:00

HERE'S A LIL POETRY ABOUT THE SPOT WHERE I SOMETIMES LIKE TO WRITE:

SKINNY DIPPING AT SUNSET:

Hydrogen blends caress crevices of

CRAVING SKIN

LIPS SLIDE HIPS DIVE

COLLIDE:

ELYSIAN state of MIND

ELYSIAN becomes MINE…

AT SUNSET CLIFFS WE UNWIND

ONE TIME:

On a DARE WE share Ecstasy

Because YOU said it was THE ONLY WAY to

CUM HITHER:

While MISS SIMONE does her lilt of:

How THESE EYEZ Put A Spell on YOU

And

Feeling GOOD (cause YOU do)

again YOU SAY:

“It’s THE ONLY WAY”

Those EYEZ need RISKS

“Aint NOBODY gonna SEA what WE doin anyway!”

So EYEZ give YA what cha want:

SKIRT LIFTED

PANTIES SHIFTED

HEAD & BACK TILTED

TASTING THE SALTS OF MY SEA

EYEZ become WE

DIVING DEEPER INTO THOSE

HYDROGEN BLENDS

TICKLED BY THOSE PACIFIC WINDS

CUM HITHER

EYEZ SHAKE….YOU SHIVER

AT SUNSET

ON THE CLIFFS…

BLACK & SEXY...

2008-12-29T07:44:00.000-06:00

"A GOOD DAY TO BE BLACK & SEXY" IS AN INDEPENDENT FILM BY DENNIS DORTCH; THE FILM WAS FEATURED IN THE SUN DANCE, EXPERIENCED SEVERAL SUCCESSFUL TEST RUNS IN URBAN HOT SPOTS, A WEEK'S RUN ON THE BIG SCREEN DURING THE 2ND WEEK OF DECEMBER & IS ABOUT TO BE RELEASED ON DVD, FEBRUARY 3, 2009....IT'S BLACK CINEMA AT IT'S BEST: FRESH...BOLD...AND WORTH THE BUY....CHECK OUT THE LINK TO THE UNRELEASED MOVIE TRAILER, MYSPACE, AND DENNIS' PERSONAL PAGES BELOW & PLEASE COP THE MOVIE WHEN IT'S RELEASED...YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED....SUPPORT, SUPPORT, SUPPORT!!!!

BLACK & SEXY MOVIE TRAILER

BLACK & SEXY MYSPACE

D. DORTCH'S MYSPACE

THE MOVIE T-SHIRTS ARE DOPE....BUT I'M TOLD THERE WONT BE ANY NEW ONES OUT UNTIL LATE JANUARY....WHICH IM GETTING THEM IN ALL COLORS...LOL....FOR NOW YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THIS PIC OF ME IN THE FABULOUS BROWN SHIRT SHIRT ABOVE!!!!

Hateful & Hurtful Haiku....

2008-12-22T14:18:00.000-06:00

I love poetry; however, there is ONE form that is somewhat of a challenge for me to write & that form is Haiku...the challenge is surrounding the whole 5;7;5 syllable thing...not that I couldn't produce...I just hate being confined to such terms....but I've been told that IF I want to develop my craft, I must try things I don't like...and I MUST produce fairly decent results, so...I've decided to take a stab at Haiku:

COLD DAY IN HELL:

It's cold at HELLS door

As YOU enter and pull ME

Love's warmth left BEHIND

STINGA LUV:

Bitch, Is YOU crazee?

Somebody should've warned YOU

Scorpio's STING hard.

Here's a Clip of My Insanity While Writing These 2 Poems:

Perhaps ONE day....I wont let Haiku get the best of me....or did IT?

Only the EYEZ reading this post can tell me....