I never expected to be where I am today...literally: I never expected to be in San Diego. I've always felt my ideal place to live would be the East Coast and yet here I am...where I never expected to be. There are so many unexpected things in life and it is within the unexpected that we discover the US we've never contemplated...
When I think about the past few years of my life, I get mixed emotions. Quite honestly, Im still trying to find my growth within the reflections of my experiences. Its hard (figuring out my lessons and my personal growth) partially because I strongly feel that most of the bad things that happened to me was undeserving and the rest? Ehhh... well, ok: I got what I had coming to me, bad & good. Yet even with the karma I knew I had coming, I still questioned the purpose.
Am I alone? I seriously doubt it. Have I lost you yet? Ok....well let me try to clarify what Im saying:
Everyone has done bad things. We all are guilty of hurting someone and we all have sat in pain's lap and allowed hurt to cradle us... while strongly holding onto the ideal that nothing we've done was ever as bad as what we got back in return...
and even though I knew/know people could and can relate, it didn't change the fact that I still felt engulfed within the self induced (I chose to be alone) solitary confinement of my sadness.
The picture above captures my thoughts perfectly: The world was a window that I looked into from some place that I existed in alone.
What good does it do to feel elevated if you are alone and have turned your back away from your own reflection?
I HAD TO GET OVER MYSELF. The pity party needs to be a temporary thing. Stop thinking that bad shit shouldn't happen to YOU and start accepting that it will: regardless of your worthiness of it or not. Break that glass, climb into the world and realize YOU are not the only one who has hurt.
The pain I've felt in my life was necessary. It has developed my character. Some for the better and some not. Im learning day by day to accept all my experiences as the developing road map of my life. Everyday new roads are drawn onto my map.... where some dead end....new ones are inked in.
As I type this, My map is developing a new road....some of this path is familiar and some isn't. I'll face a few fears and Im sure there'll be pain...but this go-round I choose to not be alone.
Enough of this ramble....back to studying. Peace!
-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:homeward bound
